Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
