We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she peed on how many people?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
