talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
