So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
they need to just BURY HIM!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
