Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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