sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You're like the curious george of whores
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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