That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
