Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
