chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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