Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
