I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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