Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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