Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
