Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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