Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
