i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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