I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's great music for shaving your balls
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
