Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
