I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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