did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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