i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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