why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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