ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
