You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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