Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
