i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
