omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
