HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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