It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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