I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
