the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
