I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
