Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
