if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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