Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
don't judge my taste in strippers
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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