The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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