Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
