would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
