Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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