I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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