I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
