help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
