We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
