Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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