I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's always time for handjobs
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
