I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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