yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
