listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
