I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it was like eating out sand paper
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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