thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
