respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
