Whod you bang
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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