I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
