ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
