Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
