NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
