You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
