that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
