Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
